Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Allen's Air Conditioned Restaurant - 143 Danforth Ave. Toronto
Okay folks, let's get one thing straight.
Allen does not own this restaurant.
Allen has never had a damn thing to do with this restaurant.
Allen is the name of the owner's mentor. The front page of the menu has a nice long paragraph where the owner puts his tongue firmly up Allen's ass.
The interior is all hardwood. The place looks like Cheers if Cheers were in Toronto and not Chicago, and if the waiters and bartenders dressed nice instead of like bums. and the patrons were wealthier. The place looks nothing like Cheers.
The waiters all have nice shirts and long aprons, and the tables all have checkered tablecloths. This place is like a CARTOON of a restaurant. Or like we're all cavemen chained to a wall imagining the idea of a restaurant. In Greece. In Plato's mind.
Fortunately, the food tastes nothing like Allen's ass, or if it does, then I want to meet this Allen fellow. Maybe try out his ass. At this moment, my girlfriend is shaking her head and rolling her eyes, pretending she doesn't want a piece of Allen's ass.
But that is neither here nor there. The food!
...is to die for. Get in this place and chow down. The wings are amazing, so is pretty much everything else. but the real crowning achievement of -some guy who most definitely is not Allen-'s Restaurant is not even on the menu proper.
On the second or third page of the menu you will see a note. in italics like they were trying to hide it.
The note drones on something along the lines of "we also serve what many consider to be Toronto's finest hamburger". Be a champ, when you order it, tell them that you "will have what many consider to be Toronto's finest hamburger". I'm sure it annoys all the servers because they must hear it forty times a day. Which makes it even more awesome.
Don't be startled when they ask "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR BURGER?". It's safe. They grind the meat in house. It's allowed. So chow down on that blood drenched, rare burger unleash your inner caveman (or woman). It's nine kinds of awesome. I Grew up in Alberta, beef country. and its been more than a decade since I could have a rare burger except off my own grill. Heavenly.
This place is awesome; make it your regular haunt (why yes, that IS a semicolon used properly). The service is exceptional, and as long as you hand over the loot, they will cram your gullet so full of great food you will be unable to move.
Oh yeah, and it has air conditioning.
This restaurant gets my highest honor, The Prosciutto Bikini. Modeled today by a terrible photo of Scarlett Johansen.
Email me! Email somebody else!
